That doesn’t seem to unrealistic, does it?
I cannot count the number of times where I felt that everything has gone so wrong in my life and nothing in the world could make me feel better.
I like that a song never changes. Time can change around a song, but the song itself, the lyrics, the drum beats, the guitar solos, those never change.
I can have my entire 24-hour day go to complete crappy chaos, but the second I slip on my headphones, or pop in my earbuds, and I play a 3 or 4 minute song, I am gone. The rest of the world does not exist to me. Its just me and the song.
The Fool is numbered as Zero, and sometimes comes at the end of a deck. I like to put it at the beginning of my deck and consider it the baby card. All beings start of as unknown little baby who grow into beings with the power to create almost anything, like a Magician.
The Magician is numbered as One. We all have the power to create, we just need to really see what it is that we can do and find a way to harness it.
I know I have the power to create some really great things. I like to crochet. I like to write. I like to cook. I like to make art. These are all things that I like to create. I can create, just like The Magician, I just need to focus on what I can do, not what I can’t do.
My current collection of books, and I love every one of them. I use to have a heck of a lot more, but I had to commit the great sin of all book lovers- I had to sell some of them. I didn’t want to, but I had to feed my family somehow and at the time that was it.
These current reads are most near and dear to me. Many of them are my Jack Kerouac books and many of My Beat Generation faves. Those will never ever be sold. There are some things that are absolutely sacred, and Kerouac and his gang are just that, sacred.
It feels like a writing night, thoughts are bouncing around my brain and my fingers are feeling twitchy. I can type the creative thoughts or I can write it all down.
The choices, the options, the agony…all good clean creative fun. I just have to stick out the 20 minutes of darkness that is required for the kids to into a deep sleep.
If I stick it out, and fight the sleepiness that will definitely come with the darkness, then I would have succeeded and have a writing all-nighter. If not, then I get some required sleep, but miss out on some much needed creative time.
The choices, the options, the agony…all in the name of good clean creative fun.
Another journey has begun, and not under the circumstances that I want, but, that’s life right?-Awful, crazy, unfair, money-hungry life. I should be use to it by now and be prepared for the harsh situations of life, but I never am.
I could change that, I want to change that but, I am programmed to think that the only way to change things is by coming into a sh*tload of money, and using that money to change and improve things. That’s the ideal situation, but the ideal situation is a fantasy, a dream. I really need to stop dreaming.
It’s not easy finding ways to make use of your weird talents. I know I can do things, but the things that I can do aren’t exactly accepted by the common world, right now. I suppose that if someone who is an expert on people and style of today, they would describe me as a prude, a geek, a nerd, and just a flat-out weirdo. And, as slutty as most of the women of today are, all sexually free and uninhibited, I am not like that at all. As much as I would like to be like every other uninhibited woman in the world (which is a lie, because I really don’t care), I am not going to be like that. I have tried and changed and it didn’t stick.
I am still the same classy lady that my mother brought me up to be. I am a classy, eclectic, geeky, bohemian, and I don’t think that I am ever going to change. If not for my family, or my husband, then definitely not for anyone.