It happened, I turned 29 and I don’t feel very different. Last time I was thinking about this I was going to be 29 but now, I actually am. I don’t feel like I have inherited some mythical power or was graced with some ancient wisdom, I just feel a little more…aware. I don’t know if this awareness is a gift of turning a year older from something bigger, or if my brain is just finally maturing as a part of the natural aging process. I don’t know, and I like not knowing, “It keeps me on my toes,” It was Doctor Who that said that by the way, the 10th doctor, my favorite.
I have been doing some leisurely research about the Quarter Life Crisis that I mentioned last time and I don’t really feel like I am going through that. I feel pretty content with how my life is right now. I’ve been married for about two years to a man I have known since I was 21 and we have two kids together a girl and a boy, so in the family and love department I think I am doing okay. I know of some people who freaking out right now because they don’t even have a prospective boyfriend/girlfriend. My only thing is that I don’t have right now is a career or job, so money-wise, I’m not doing so good.
I know I should be very worried about the having a job part, but I’m not. I feel like something is coming, an opportunity and all I have to do right now is worry that I raise my kids to be decent human beings who know the difference between being a bully and being classy. Raising decent humans concerns me more than raising my net worth, and I feel that is not a bad outlook at all.
In seven days, I am going to be 29 years old and I feel numb about that. I have heard of tales of people who freak out and radically change their lives, sometimes for the better sometimes for the worst; which is apparently normal and referred to as the Quarter-Life Crisis.
When I first heard of the “Quarter-Life Crisis,” I really didn’t think anything of it. Mostly because it was my ex-boyfriend who enlightened me of this crisis. I can’t remember what he said verbatim, but he did mention his life evaluation, a nervous breakdown, a period of heavy drinking and the many regrets that he will carry in his heart for the rest of his life.
At the time I thought this was a little extreme of him, but now as I get closer to 30, I suppose it’s not that extreme.
I like getting the words out of my brain and turning them into something real, something tangible, something that can be seen.
I just like thinking and then getting it out of my head. I never really know what I am going to write, it all just comes out and then I see if anything makes sense later.
I can’t recall the first time I ever wrote something. I wish I could remember if it was a journal entry, or a story of some sort. I just feel like I was born to write.
There is some part of me that thinks, something great can be done with my words, something big but I have no idea what it is and I’m trying to figure out what it is.
However, every time I look over my work, I think, nothing makes sense and I should just give up and go get some retail job and keep my writing as a private hobby.
I really am my own worst critic.
The Janis Tree, my favorite tree. This beautiful and wondrous work of nature is located in Golden Gate Park in San Francisco just a few steps away from Hippie Hill. It has been said that Janis Joplin used to sit in that tree and write her songs. I can picture that, I imagine her being barefoot and smoking a couple of joints to help the creative and relaxation process too.
I really need to make another trip up to San Francisco and see that tree again, and revisit The Beat Museum and The City Lights Bookstore, and The Anarchy Bookstore. I love San Francisco.
It feels like a writing night, thoughts are bouncing around my brain and my fingers are feeling twitchy. I can type the creative thoughts or I can write it all down.
The choices, the options, the agony…all good clean creative fun. I just have to stick out the 20 minutes of darkness that is required for the kids to into a deep sleep.
If I stick it out, and fight the sleepiness that will definitely come with the darkness, then I would have succeeded and have a writing all-nighter. If not, then I get some required sleep, but miss out on some much needed creative time.
The choices, the options, the agony…all in the name of good clean creative fun.
Me In My Fangirl Glasses
It’s not easy finding ways to make use of your weird talents. I know I can do things, but the things that I can do aren’t exactly accepted by the common world, right now. I suppose that if someone who is an expert on people and style of today, they would describe me as a prude, a geek, a nerd, and just a flat-out weirdo. And, as slutty as most of the women of today are, all sexually free and uninhibited, I am not like that at all. As much as I would like to be like every other uninhibited woman in the world (which is a lie, because I really don’t care), I am not going to be like that. I have tried and changed and it didn’t stick.
I am still the same classy lady that my mother brought me up to be. I am a classy, eclectic, geeky, bohemian, and I don’t think that I am ever going to change. If not for my family, or my husband, then definitely not for anyone.