Officially Pushing 30

It happened, I turned 29 and I don’t feel very different. Last time I was thinking about this I was going to be 29 but now, I actually am. I don’t feel like I have inherited some mythical power or was graced with some ancient wisdom, I just feel a little more…aware. I don’t know if this awareness is a gift of turning a year older from something bigger, or if my brain is just finally maturing as a part of the natural aging process. I don’t know, and I like not knowing, “It keeps me on my toes,” It was Doctor Who that said that by the way, the 10th doctor, my favorite.

I have been doing some leisurely research about the Quarter Life Crisis that I mentioned last time and I don’t really feel like I am going through that. I feel pretty content with how my life is right now. I’ve been married for about two years to a man I have known since I was 21 and we have two kids together a girl and a boy, so in the family and love department I think I am doing okay. I know of some people who freaking out right now because they don’t even have a prospective boyfriend/girlfriend. My only thing is that I don’t have right now is a career or job, so money-wise, I’m not doing so good.

I know I should be very worried about the having a job part, but I’m not. I feel like something is coming, an opportunity and all I have to do right now is worry that I raise my kids to be decent human beings who know the difference between being a bully and being classy. Raising decent humans concerns me more than raising my net worth, and I feel that is not a bad outlook at all.

Pushing 30

In seven days, I am going to be 29 years old and I feel numb about that. I have heard of tales of people who freak out and radically change their lives, sometimes for the better sometimes for the worst; which is apparently normal and referred to as the Quarter-Life Crisis.

When I first heard of the “Quarter-Life Crisis,” I really didn’t think anything of it. Mostly because it was my ex-boyfriend who enlightened me of this crisis. I can’t remember what he said verbatim, but he did mention his life evaluation, a nervous breakdown, a period of heavy drinking and the many regrets that he will carry in his heart for the rest of his life.

At the time I thought this was a little extreme of him, but now as I get closer to 30, I suppose it’s not that extreme.

I Like to Write, But…

I like getting the words out of my brain and turning them into something real, something tangible, something that can be seen.
I just like thinking and then getting it out of my head. I never really know what I am going to write, it all just comes out and then I see if anything makes sense later.
I can’t recall the first time I ever wrote something. I wish I could remember if it was a journal entry, or a story of some sort. I just feel like I was born to write.

There is some part of me that thinks, something great can be done with my words, something big but I have no idea what it is and I’m trying to figure out what it is.
However, every time I look over my work, I think, nothing makes sense and I should just give up and go get some retail job and keep my writing as a private hobby.
I really am my own worst critic.

The Janis Tree

phone pics 2 056


The Janis Tree, my favorite tree. This beautiful and wondrous work of nature is located in Golden Gate Park in San Francisco just a few steps away from Hippie Hill. It has been said that Janis Joplin used to sit in  that tree and write her songs. I can picture that, I imagine her being barefoot and smoking a couple of joints to help the creative and relaxation process too.

I really need to make another trip up to San Francisco and see that tree again, and revisit The Beat Museum and The City Lights Bookstore, and  The Anarchy Bookstore. I love San Francisco.

 

A Writing Kind Of Night

Notebook Snap


 

It feels like a writing night, thoughts are bouncing around my brain and my fingers are feeling twitchy. I can type the creative thoughts or I can write it all down.

The choices, the options, the agony…all good clean creative fun. I just have to stick out the 20 minutes of darkness that is required for the kids to into a deep sleep.

If I stick it out, and fight the sleepiness that will definitely come with the darkness, then I would have succeeded and have a writing all-nighter. If not, then I get some required sleep, but miss out on some much needed creative time.

The choices, the options, the agony…all  in the name of good clean creative fun.


 

I Finally Know Who I Am, I Think

Me In My Fangirl Glasses

Me In My Fangirl Glasses



It’s not easy finding ways to make use of your weird talents. I know I can do things, but the things that I can do aren’t exactly accepted by the common world, right now. I suppose that if someone who is an expert on people and style of today, they would describe me as a prude, a geek, a nerd, and just a flat-out weirdo. And, as slutty as most of the women of today are, all sexually free and uninhibited, I am not like that at all. As much as I would like to be like every other uninhibited woman in the world (which is a lie, because I really don’t care), I am not going to be like that. I have tried and changed and it didn’t stick.

I am still the same classy lady that my mother brought me up to be. I am a classy, eclectic, geeky, bohemian, and I don’t think that I am ever going to change. If not for my  family, or my husband, then definitely not for anyone.